growing up . .

again, i have neglected this blog thing . . but anyways i promise to keep up with this & my twitter . . let's see . . the subject of this blog is growing up, my oh my ! to be honest with myself lately i have had my childish moments and are currently not handling my anger the way i should. it's just now hitting me that i cain't change the way people feel about me. i mean i always knew that i couldn't but it's REALLY hitting me you know ? i've decided to get over & let go of everything that gives me that "MAN WTFUCK!" attitude... you know, the things you be trippin off of and you really shouldn't be. now anyone who knows me knows that it ain't easy for me to make an apology & mean it.. & if i could i'd apologize to a long asss list of people. but i can't. and that's why things are the way they are. i almost thought about doin it... but seriously it may be "the right thing to do" and what not. but not everyone is mature enough o accept things like that. not sayin that i'm the most mature person. but i can say i'm mature enough to know some things in life ain't worth it. i'm glad i can understand that now, there people out there that still don't get it. and i'm not saying i'm completely there either because there are time when i loose my cool and do messy shit i know i shouldn't or say that extra thing i know can escalate the whole situation or even hurt someone so bad on purpose just to get back at them or because at that moment in time i feel its the right thing to do. and some of the people who know me reading this might be like WTFUCK. but seriously, when i say nobody really know me, i swear i mean it. how many of you can honestly say you knew i thoguht about these things? no one. all everyone understands is my anger or my temper or my mistakes. and at the end of the day I CAN'T CONTROL THAT. which is what i think REALLY, TRULY gets to me. the fact that i can't control these situations. that's one thing i'm gonna hve to let go of. another thing, is lately i've been letting other people and things get in the way of my focus and my happiness and that's where i fucked up. feedin into bullshit and drama. period. & it ain't no more to it. i fucked up & gotta accept it. but i wannnna start fressssh.... i'm tiiiired. real shit. so yaw could do what you do. & i guess that's itttt...